Part Two: Every Time I Sing This Song I Think of Henry Kissinger (Part One here)
I AM MILDLY STONED FROM SHH STEVE’S STASH SHH BUT THIS SONG MAKES NO SENSE WHAT THE HELL IS A MUSKRAT I AM AWARE OF KISSINGER BUT A MUSKRAT IS SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY I AM FUCKING FUCKED IF I WOULD WANT TO HAVE A MUSKRAT TO LOVE I CAN’T EVEN GET A GIRL AND I’M ACTUALLY FOURTEEN BUT A MUSKRAT IS TAKING IT TOO WAY FAR.
YOU KIND OF HAVE TO WONDER ABOUT PEOPLE FROM LIKE THE SEVENTIES THE QUESTION OF THE DAY IS WERE THEY ALL CRAZY? I KNOW THEY WERE ALL DOING LSD TO FIX THEIR MARRIAGE PROBLEMS BUT DOES ACID MAKE YOU WANT TO FUCK BARN ANIMALS CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME? I WILL PAY YOU EVERYTHING TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME EVEN THE PIZZA MONEY MY MOM LEFT ME BEFORE SHE WENT OUT WITH “DARREN LORD ASSWIPE” AS I ENJOY SHOUTING TO HIS FUCKING AWFUL TOYOTA AS THEY DRIVE TO THE KEG OR WHATEVER “ELEGANT” SHIT THEY ARE CHOWING ON.
OMG ARE THOSE THE SOUNDS OF A FUCKING MUSKRAT FARTING IN A SWAMP? WAS THIS SHIT NORMAL? ARE OLD PEOPLE AWARE OF THEIR LAMENESS OR IS IT LIKE A FUCKING LAME CLOUD THAT ONLY TEENS CAN SEE? LIKE MY FRIEND STEVE’S MOMS IS TOTALLY JAZZED ABOUT HER NEW HAIRCUT BUT IT IS COMPLETELY ONE THAT WAS FASHIONABLE ON JAMIE LEE CURTIS’S CUNT BEFORE I WAS BORN. NOT THAT I WOULDN’T MIND TAPPING THAT “ELEGANT” JL CUNT AT SOME POINT HEY STEVE HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS I’M GOING TO KISSINGER YOUR MOM’S ASS.
I HAVE A FEELING THAT MY FATHER WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO WAS NOT LAME IN YE OLD TIMEZ WHEN THEY NAMED BANDS FUCKING CAPTAIN AND TENILLE LIKE THEY WERE A BRAND OF FISH STICKS OR SOMETHING. I FEEL SO DUMB FOR SELLING SOME OF HIS VINYL FOR POT A FEW WEEKS AGO IT WAS ALL QUALITY STUFF I CAN ALMOST HEAR THE LED ZEPPLIN NOW. YAH YAH I’M GOING TO REGRET THE VINYL LOSS WHATEVER I CAN DOWNLOAD EVERYTHING IN TEN SECONDS EVEN FLAC SO WHO CARES ABOUT A BUNCH OF RECORDS? (AT LEAST MY “HOW DO YOU WORK THE TV” MOTHER UNDERSTANDS THE *NEED* FOR HIGH SPEED CAUSE OF HER GROSS PLENTYOFFISH PROFILE) YOU’D THINK THIS WERE THE SEVENTIES WHEN PEOPLE GOT RATIONED LIKE FIVE RECORDS A YEAR. FUCK NO WONDER C&T WERE BIG BECAUSE IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY BOUGHT THIS SHIT AND IT WAS 20% OF THE MUSIC YOU HEARD THAT YEAR YOU’D WANT ALL YOUR FRIENDS TO SUFFER TOO.
SHIT MY MOTHER HAS CHANGED THE CHILDSAFE SETTINGS ON THE NETWORK AGAIN. FORTUNATELY SHE ALWAYS CHANGES THE PASSWORD TO SOMETHING RELATED TO HIS DEATH WHICH MAKES IT PRETTY EASY FOR ME TO GUESS. LIKE NOVEMBER OR ST MARYS. I KNOW I KNOW I DON’T EVEN WANT TO ASK WHY SHE’S TUNING INTO THAT FREQUENCY OF FUCKING EMO. SOMETIMES IT’S OFTEN JUST A SWEAR WORD LIKE MOTHERFUCKER WHICH IS IRONIC CONSIDERING WHAT SHE IS TRYING TO STOP ME FROM DOING. ONCE IT WAS LORAZEPAM AND I WAS LIKE LOL MOM TRY HARDER GUESS WHAT I STEAL TO GET THROUGH MY FUCKING MATH CLASS.
ON SECOND THOUGHT I WILL MOST DEFINITELY ORDER SOME PIZZA WITH THIS CASH. THIS POT HAS OPENED MY EYES TO THE SOUNDS OF MY STOMACH. IT KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE MUSKRAT FARTS ACTUALLY. THIS STRAIN OF POT DOES REALLY PLAY ON THOSE LED ZEPPLIN EMOTIONS THAT COME SWEEPING IN FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE. I TOTALLY REMEMBER HEARING THIS MUSKRAT SONG IN THE CAR WITH MY PARENTS AND I KEPT WANTING TO BE SICK BECAUSE I WAS READING X-MEN COMICS AS WE DROVE AND I GUESS I WAS A SHITTY LITTLE LAME BOY BACK THEN BECAUSE I REMEMBER WANTING THIS SONG REALLY BADLY AND MY DAD SAID WE HAD IT BACK AT THE HOUSE. BUT I GUESS I WANTED IT LIKE RIGHT THEN CAUSE I TOTALLY VOMITED. IT’S SO DUMB I JUST REALLY NEEDED THIS SONG. I BELIEVE THAT IS THE LAST TIME I HAVE VOMITED OVER MUSIC BUT I WOULD NOT LIKE TO BET ON IT BECAUSE WHO KNOWS I PLAN TO BE DRUNK ALL THE TIME AS SOON AS I CAN DRIVE.
OH SHIT GUESS WHAT THE PASSWORD IS MUSKRATLOVE. AND NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT I TOTALLY MIGHT HAVE ACCIDENTALLY TOTALLY SOLD MY DADS MUSKRAT LOVE ALBUM FOR SOME POT.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOPS. SORRY MOMS I REALLY DIDN’T KNOW. I KNOW I GIVE YOU A HARD TIME BUT I’M NOT SUCH A TERRIBLE GUY AFTER ALL AND MAYBE WE CAN PRETEND THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN.
OH SHIT ME THIS IS OBVSLY THE WORST MUSIC I’VE EVER HEARD BUT THAT WASN’T A VERY KISSINGER MOVE.
